LEARN HOW TO CREATE SUCCESS AT HOME, AND EVERYTHING ELSE WILL FALL INTO PLACE.
The root of success is the family. You may be success-ful outside, but if the family is not together you cannot enjoy yourself, you cannot be a balanced person. If we solve our domestic problems, we can enjoy every success in the outside world.
The whole thing lies on both the husband and the wife. Success is for the family, not for one person. When we say, “He is successful” or “I am successful,” we really say, “We are successful.” It becomes our concept. At that time we blend with each other. Siri Singh Sahib (Yogi Bhajan) talked about blend-ing our personalities or egos. If the long-term goal is ours and the short-term goal is yours or mine, things won’t work until we make it “ours.” Because if your attitudes or intentions are different, the energy can’t be focused in any direction.
It is a universal fact that a man needs nurturing and care from a woman and a woman needs security and love from her man. More than love, she needs a demonstration of that love.
That is the human need: If you work hard or do something for someone, you need appreciation. It’s very important to appreciate a person.
A couple must trust each other. There must be under-standing, cooperation, and the most important—budgeting, diplomacy, and a non-doubting attitude towards each other;
hospitality and faithfulness towards each other, and open communication. A couple must be able to discuss different things together. They may have arguments, but there should be no criticism. It’s important to discuss things with an open mind. They must know when, where, and how to speak; how and where to spend; and how to maintain respect for the family and for the public and social image. They must understand priorities of time and position.
In India, there is a very popular saying, “When a husband and wife bend down to help each other instead of running to put each other down, they should pray for stronger backs rather than for a lighter burden.” We should not worry about the work. Rather we should worry about how we can support each other. And we should judge each day not by the harvest we reap but by the fields we sow. If we haven’t done our sadhana in the morning, we are not going to get a better result during the day.
If you don’t get up for sadhana, you are not going to have your positive mind working for the day because you have not done anything for the Guru. And then your ego begins to think, “I did it,” and you don’t give credit to God or Guru, that it’s Guru’s grace you are successful today. When we attribute our spirituality and grace to the Guru, then the Guru works for us.
You may have success all over the world, but you will never enjoy that success until you have a peaceful home and a spiritual environment in the family. Live with the Guru’s grace, and whatever happens, don’t take credit for it. Just give the credit to the Guru. We pray that all couples should first find spirituality and then find success in the outside world.
Material things don’t last for long, but if you have a spiritual mind or a spiritual environment it will last forever and the Guru will always bless you.
Dr. Bibiji Inderjit Kaur was the wife of Siri Singh Sahib Bhai Sahib Harbhajan Singh Khalsa Yogiji (Yogi Bhajan), and is the Bhai Sahiba of Sikh Dharma International.
Excerpts from a lecture by Bhai Sahiba Dr. Bibiji Inderjit Kaur, Summer 1987